I Have a Son

I have a beautiful 3 year old son who I love more than life itself. He is my everything. My reason for being. The motivation to push me forward and make me strive. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared. I didn't really care if I had a girl or a boy. I just wanted the baby to be happy and healthy. Hearing about all the complications that could happen while you're pregnant and even up to delivery had me so scared that I could lose him before I even got to hold him. Then I had him and I was so scared of germs. I didn't want my oh so precious new born to get sick from anything. I was as careful as I could be. Careful about where he went, who he interacted with, what he touched, and who touched him. Then he went to daycare and came home with a cold that had him in the hospital for days. I was so scared. My little angel was sick and there was nothing I could do but watch and wait for him to get better. I just kept the thought in my head that when he gets bigger it won't be so bad. I won't have to be so scared for him because it will be easier for him to fight off a cold. I won't have to be so cautious with him because he'll have a stronger immune system. I won't have to worry so much about if him safe when he's not with me because he grows bigger and stronger everyday.  That's what I thought.

I was so wrong. I have never been so terrified for my little boy than I am now. He's only 3 and 3 year olds are curious beings who like to explore. But that is not the problem. I love everything about my 3 year old. The problem is that he's not going to stay 3 forever. He's going to get bigger. He's going to get older. He's going to want to go out by himself and do things on his own. How can I protect my boy when he's out by himself and I'm not with him? How can I keep him safe from the outside world? All I keep hearing about is stories after stories of young black boys being killed. Stories of people losing their husbands and brothers and sons. So I am terrified, shaken to the core, because I have a 3 year old son and who's is only going to get older. But the one question that keeps me up at night is how old will he get to be.

It's Been A Long Long TIme

Hmmmmm...... I've been wanting to start writing this blog again for a while now. Life got in the way. On the spur of the moment, just out of curiosity, I glanced at my blog. Just seeing how many views I got, how many people all over the world that looked at my posts. Inspiration. A spark that was the push I needed to get me typing again. So..... let's fast forward through life and get you all caught up.

1. I'm in school .......still. Which is honestly the most frustrating thing in the world. The only benefit from still being in school is that having the "student" status keeps those student loan sharks at bay. Other than that it is really an annoying process. I'm 26 years old and I'm still an undergrad. While most of my friends, including my little sister, have their degree completed and got to move on with their life I feel far far behind. But I'm optimistic, I'll catch up one day.
2. My sweet, sweet little baby is no longer sweet or little. He's a jumping. screaming, playful, loud pint sized rugrat that I can't live without. Just 3 years old and he's already half my height, although I am more on the short side but still. My once clingy baby now demands that I don't ever refer to him as a baby. He's a "big boy". This "big boy" has recently started school and proved to me just how big he is. One the first day, as I walked him into the classroom and prepped myself for the water works that would come when he realized that he would be staying and I would be leaving, I was completely surprised. My tiny toddler took one look in the classroom and as I said "I'm leaving now" expecting tears to come, he didn't even glance back. All I got was a fleeting "Bye mommy" as he dashed off to play with the other kids. It was a wake up call to me. Three years old is early to start school, but he was more then ready
3. ....... 

There's really not much else to be caught up on. Just trying to complete my bachelor in Computer Science while being the PRESIDENT of the Computer Science Club, and also managing a very active 3 year old. My plate is pretty much full at this point. I do have a few small side jobs. But I'm still holding out for the day that I'll just be able to sit back in a bikini on a lawn chair sipping some fancy alcoholic beverage on the balcony of my mansion on some tropical island. Someday, sooner or later. Most likely later, but hey, a girl can dream.