Why Winter is Better Than Summer

I know many people will disagree but I despise summer with a passion. In my opinion the cons of summer greatly out weigh the pros. The thing I hate most about summer is bugs. There are so many types and sizes. Big bugs, small bugs, bugs that bite, bugs that make noise. Summer is just packed with creepy crawly critters. The next big downer about summer is the heat. Regardless of how slow you move in efforts to stay cool, two steps could mean a bucket full of sweat. That's something I just can't deal with. I don't know if it's just me or if other people go through this too, but heat strips me of my patience. On a normal cool day I can calmly handle any problem that comes my way, but on a hot day everything irritates me to no end. The smallest thing could agitates me to anger if I'm too hot. When I think about it those are the only two things that come to mind (at this specific point in time) that I don't like about summer. But even just those two things are too much to deal with because no matter how hard you try there is no way you can go through an entire summer without encountering those things. The only thing I like about summer is pools. I truly enjoy swimming and that's the one thing that the winter robs me of.


Song of the day:
Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started

A New Beginning

Finally the clouds of depression are drifting away after that long long storm. My eyes are slowly opening and taking in the sunlight. I feel like I've been trapped in a room with no windows or doors. As I re-submerge myself into society and meet new people I feel myself opening up more and more. There's so much out there and I'm finally beginning to feel as though at least some of my goals are achievable. Little by little, step by step things will work out for the best. I'm becoming confident in my decisions and I believe everything will turn out good in the end. 


Song of the day:
Katy Perry - Firework

I'm Back

So I took a much needed break from blogging. The stress I'm currently dealing with on an everyday basis is enough without adding on the the stress of coming up with something to talk about every day. But now... as you can see, I'm back. Currently just going through life day by day. The only thing that remains constant is that I have to take care of Ethan. Right now I'm at a crossroads. There are so many directions that I can be going in and I'm just trying to find out which one is the right one.

Song of the day:
John Legend - Everybody Knows

Happy Mother's Day

Happy belated mother's day to all you mothers out there. This was the first time ever that I was a mother on mother's day. A new experience entirely. I enjoyed my mother's day and I'm happy to be a mother. My beautiful little boy, Ethan will be 2 months old tomorrow. Today was his doctors appoinment. For all those who don't know, babies don't get vaccines until they are 2 months. So today he got 3 shots and I was so scared for him. He had already been fussy all morning like he knew what was going to happen. I would have taken those needles for him if I could and I'm already deathly afraid of needles myself. But it just killed me to see him in pain. I'm glad I was able to calm him down quickly though. So to wrap this up, the conclusion: I've determined that from now on I'm going to look forward to mother's day and dread every doctor visit.

Song of the day:
Boys 2 Men - A Song For Mama

Blah

Yes I realize that I've missed a day. I'm sorry it's not easy being mother And trying to have my own life at the same time. I plan to write my blog, get sidetracked by something, get interrupted by Ethan, (once I've calmed him and catered to his needs) get sidetracked by something else, remember the first thing i got sidetracked on, complete the first and second things I was sidetracked on, remember my blog, get interrupted by Ethan, put Ethan to bed, sit down to start my blog, glance at the time, "IT'S 12:12 AM?", realize it's already too late to do my blog, go to sleep. The end. if you managed to follow and understand that then you're amazing. Job well done!

Song of the day:
Gavin Degraw - Nice to Meet You Anyway

Patience

Slowly but surely. Little by little. Eventually things generally fall into place. You just have to have enough patience to wait it out til that happens. You might not always get to your happy ending that you've been waiting your whole life for, but you might get close. Close like maybe a sorta-happy ending, or kinda-happy ending, or kinda, sorta, happy ending. If you feel like you missed out and ended up with a really terrible, no-good, very bad ending then think again. You've still have more to go. You're no way near the ending. 


Song of the day:
Melissa Polinar - This Road

Migrane

I would have loved to write a really long and thoughtful blog today. But as you see from the title I have a migrane which limits me terribly. you have no idea how hard it is to write this right now as I alternate between which eye I have open. Because too much light makes my head hurt even more and with two eyes open it's almost always too much light.

Song of the day:
Brandy - Sitting Up in My Room

Bad to Worse

Just waiting for things to get better. Someone told me they have to go bad and then worse before it gets better. things can go from good to bad to worse to great. Life has a weird way making things work out in the end. I'm just hoping I've reach the end of worse.

Song of the day:
Monica - Don't take it personal

Temptation

The chance to start off fresh, brand new. The reset button on every game system. A free do over. Somewhere new. when things aren't going right it's always tempting to just skip over all the issues completely. Is that better? How can I know for sure that when I start over I won't end up going through the same problems all over again? What if life is like a video game. You have fun playing for a while then you get to a really hard part and reset the game. Then you strat over thinking everything is going to be different. But eventually you still end up at the same hard part that made you start over to begin with.

Song of the day:
Katy Perry - Firework

Free Write

What do I want to say today? Nothing really. Some days you just feel blah. I really have no idea what to say. I remember when i was in high school there was a class (i don't remember what class) that for some reason we had to do free writing for a certain amount of time. The teacher always told us that we were supposed to write non stop not matter what. If we had nothing to say we were told to write exactly that. I don't remember actually ever doing so and I don't plan to start now.

Song of the day:
Amy Winehouse - Rehab

Tired

Don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. If I didn't have Ethan to take care of then I probably wouldn't leave my bed at all (Except to eat and use the bathroom). So much to think about. My life is at a stand still right now. Time isn't moving and nothing is progressing. Nothing is going to change until I come to a solid decision about what I want and stick to it. There are too many life altering choices that need to be made. I'm feeling a bit (well honestly a lot more than a bit) stressed out because everything falls on me. I need to figure out if I should go back to work and just collect unemployement and try to find a better job. Or forget working completely and just focus on finishing school. Not finishing school is not an option because I have way too many loans that will be demanding their money back and I really see no reason in have myself in this much debt without getting my degree out of it. So school is a must but working is not. But if I don't work will I
always have enough for things I need to buy for Ethan (like pampers) and will I have extra for little things I might want or need. Also I'd really hate to disappoint anyone at my job. They're all waiting for me to come back and I don't want to let them down. Besides that job does not pay the ki.d of money that I need right now. Honestly if I hated my job and my coworkers going back wouldn't even be a thought in my mind. I would just move on and finish school and look for a new better job. Then I don't even want to be in my house. my mother is constantly hovering over my like I have no idea how to take care of Ethan. I know she means well but it's really annoying. Then my father, the dictator, walks around the house just complaining all day. I'm taking care of Ethan all day while all he does is drink, watch tv and talk on the phone yet I'm getting lectured on how I don't do anything in the house and that the house is a mess and why didn't I wash the dishes. Meanwhile my 11 y
ear old little brother just goes to school and comes home and has no chores whatsoever. And if anyone tells him to do any kind of household work my father quickly intervines and tells him not to. So now I'm dealing with all this plus sleep deprivation. It's no wonder that I feel so depressed the majority of the time. But I just want the best for Ethan so I have no choice but to put up with all of this because I have no where else to go.
Right now I feel like my whole life is balancing on a tight rope and if I take one wrong step that everything will just plunge to the ground below. Right now I'm just so confused trying to figure out what I need to do.

Song of the day:
Muse - Hysteria

What I Want

What I want is for everyone to just get along. What I want is for things to not be so hard. What I want is a future that I planned out for myself. What I want is for people to really understand me. What I want is a big house for Ethan to play in. What I want is a job that's fun and pays well. What I want is for everything to be easy. What I want is to not have to wait years to get everything I want. What I want is just to be happy.

Song of the Day:
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten

The Truth

Many people don't realize that arguing doesn't solve anything. Everyone screaming and yelling and no one hears each other. Everyone shouting to get their point out. Don't you think if we actually just sat down and talked that maybe we could come up with the best decision. Everyone has valid information. If we stopped fighting against each other and put the info together then everything would work out right.

Something New

So now I figured out how to send my blogs from my phone to this site so now there can be no excuse as to why I miss a day. Anyway, why am I up so early doing this? Well because Ethan is up, and if   Ethan is up I have no choice but to be up with him. Hopefully soon he will begin to sleep through out the whole night and not wake up so often, but for now this is what I have to deal with, him waking   up to eat and poop and 5am. I must be really getting used to this being a mom thing because it's way easier for me to get up now. Also ('ve only had 4 hours of sleep and I feel perfectly fine. At the   moment anyway. So now I must go change him and try to put him back to sleep. I just realized with this it's hard to do the song of the day. Well I'll just tell you my pick and you will just have to   look it up for yourself.  

Song of the day:  Nate James - Justify Me

Vacation

I have so many things that I want to do but no motivation to do them. I work through out my entire pregnancy. I worked right up til the very end. I probably would have even went in to work that Monday if I hadn't woke up with contractions. So I feel I've done so much already that during this little bit of time before I go back to work I want to be able to relax. I don't want to be brought down thinking about all my responsibilities (besides Ethan) and other things that just need to get done. To me this is my little bit of vacation, although being a mom is a never-ending job. My little bit of time before I have to go back to the real world. 


Song of the Day:
John Mayer - No Such Thing