Tired

Don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. If I didn't have Ethan to take care of then I probably wouldn't leave my bed at all (Except to eat and use the bathroom). So much to think about. My life is at a stand still right now. Time isn't moving and nothing is progressing. Nothing is going to change until I come to a solid decision about what I want and stick to it. There are too many life altering choices that need to be made. I'm feeling a bit (well honestly a lot more than a bit) stressed out because everything falls on me. I need to figure out if I should go back to work and just collect unemployement and try to find a better job. Or forget working completely and just focus on finishing school. Not finishing school is not an option because I have way too many loans that will be demanding their money back and I really see no reason in have myself in this much debt without getting my degree out of it. So school is a must but working is not. But if I don't work will I
always have enough for things I need to buy for Ethan (like pampers) and will I have extra for little things I might want or need. Also I'd really hate to disappoint anyone at my job. They're all waiting for me to come back and I don't want to let them down. Besides that job does not pay the ki.d of money that I need right now. Honestly if I hated my job and my coworkers going back wouldn't even be a thought in my mind. I would just move on and finish school and look for a new better job. Then I don't even want to be in my house. my mother is constantly hovering over my like I have no idea how to take care of Ethan. I know she means well but it's really annoying. Then my father, the dictator, walks around the house just complaining all day. I'm taking care of Ethan all day while all he does is drink, watch tv and talk on the phone yet I'm getting lectured on how I don't do anything in the house and that the house is a mess and why didn't I wash the dishes. Meanwhile my 11 y
ear old little brother just goes to school and comes home and has no chores whatsoever. And if anyone tells him to do any kind of household work my father quickly intervines and tells him not to. So now I'm dealing with all this plus sleep deprivation. It's no wonder that I feel so depressed the majority of the time. But I just want the best for Ethan so I have no choice but to put up with all of this because I have no where else to go.
Right now I feel like my whole life is balancing on a tight rope and if I take one wrong step that everything will just plunge to the ground below. Right now I'm just so confused trying to figure out what I need to do.

Song of the day:
Muse - Hysteria